5:45 MC Lean: on the tail end of this experiment , if you can call it that, and on the verge of another, i'm struck by how dynamic this experience has been. after 14 cups i am literally without words, so, in the de facto theme of the day, i will leave my closing remarks to one Hunter S Thompson:
Strange memories on this nervous night in Las Vegas. Has it been five years? Six? It seems like a lifetime, the kind of peak that never comes again. San Francisco in the middle sixties was a very special time and place to be a part of. But no explanation, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive in that corner of time and the world. Whatever it meant.
And that, I think, was the handle--that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of Old and Evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn't need that. Our energy would simply prevail. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave. So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark--that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back.
5:40: RM: It's almost over. 14th cup is almost gone. I've got a lot of problems with myself right now. Physiological as well as psychological. My heart hurts. As does my head. All I can say is...I WON! I beat coffee. And I got paid to do it.
Later suckers.
4:59 ML: if there is one thing we can all take away from this experiment, it's that food is the best cure for overly ambitious caffeine consumption. every time i've reached the edge, food has brought me back, lifting my mind to states of elation i didn't know existed.
one of the early goals of this experiment was to find things that are awesome on the internet. i figured early on that with my heightened level of consciousness i would be able to surf the web with super-human productivity. god was i wrong. as i've already noted, i spent nearly the entire day recycling my experiences into a single blur. imagine my thoughts are clothes in a dryer, now imagine that dryer on the fastest spin cycle possible. can you tell the difference between the clothes? hell no, they're moving too fast. that was me trying to follow my thoughts.
anyway, thanks to the sordid, voyeuristic following this liveblogging experiment has garnered other people have found bomb things for me to post and without a doubt, this is the best one.
if you're impatient like me (remember, 11 cups of coffee) and can't stand the suspense the face punching begins at 1:04. this video includes everything i love, well, just two things: smoking with cigarettes and slow motion. slow motion makes everything look cool, especially when your mind is on the spin cycle.
4:44pm RM: Things are really starting to come up Millhouse. I just scored some free food, I saw Dan Porch and what was once a horrible state of caffinated self-hate and confusion has turned into a delusional, caffinated state of elation.
I'm balls-deep in my 12th cup of coffee (iced this time) and the sugar I added is having an undeniably positive effect. I feel like I'm drunk. Actually drunk. But they can't fire me because it's okay to drink coffee in the office.
That being said, it's best that I stay away from co-workers at this point. Maybe they can smell it on me? Maybe they can see it in my eyes.
I found this video. Pretty hilarious. I don't even hate Oprah that much, but holy god, does she make some hilarious faces!
4:33 ML: i've lost myself in the vortex of my experiment. i have spent almost every minute of this day looking at this blog and ingesting the liveblogging of what i experienced 10 minutes before. i can't explain what that this does to ones consciousness when you're jacked up on caffeine. it's like some sort of psychotic ferris wheel that you can't get off of. i didn't even notice this was happening until briefly leaving this site and looking at the Slate homepage. suddenly the reality that a world outside of caffeine-induced-live-blogging exists, that my buzz is not all there is in the world set in. what a relief.
4:15 ML: as you all can plainly see, things are getting interesting. (if you can't plainly see, you haven't been keeping up with the day's progress.) at the point i thought this coffee drinking challenge would become a marathon--holding a slow pace to reach a responsible goal in a given time--we turned it back into a sprint. RM is looking at 11 cups while i barely have two sips until i've bested 10 and i have no intentions of stopping. all this in just about 2 hours.
what can explain this behavior? was it some absurd boost of adrenaline, probably caffeine induced? what's the point of all this? do we intend on emerging on the other side with some sort of heightened understanding? do we expect this to be like some spiritual/hallucinogenic "change your perspective on shit" experience?
i can feel my mind slipping and i can't carry that thought any further. anyway, the answer is probably the caffeine induced adrenaline, so what's the point asking more rhetorical questions.
4:10pm RM: Shit's getting real.
ML: found more coffee
brewing now
RM: and how!
thanks
i need a fix
ML: so bad
bennett has been drinking it
that fucker!
RM: what!
fucker
Raelynn
ML: ya. fuckin fucker came in while i was brewing it
ML: huh? what about raelynn?
RM: raelynn left 10mins ago...as she's walking out she looks down at me and says: coffee?
i said yea
she said, it's 330
u shouldn't be drinking cofffee
ML: hahah
RM: i said: if you only knew
Sent at 3:46 PM on Friday
ML: yo
RM: we've typed over 2000 words today
Sent at 3:48 PM on Friday
ML: im serious. how is this thing going to end
cup 10 is in my hand
the coffee is ready to rock
Sent at 3:53 PM on Friday
RM: dude
i'm going to get a cup
ML: nice. it's hot as fuck
i need to drink water but i've lost the will
it's caffeine or bust at this point
RM: yuyp
my heart is palpatating
hard-core
ML: wow. mine is alright
but my hands are getting jittery again
Sent at 4:01 PM on Friday
is in the kitchen baking
delicious food
ML: ya, i told this is my 10th cup
she said, "that's not healthy"
RM: moz sticks, patato skins
sliders from kevin
everything
and she wont fucking share a fucking thing
this is fucking bullshit
gonna come up to our kitchen, cook delicious food and not fucking share?
bullshit
she said it was for shannon's birhtday and that maybe if i was friends with shannon i'd get some food
ML: thats bullshit!
RM: i said it's not my fault i'm not friends with shannon
ML: righ!
RM: maybe if she was fucking friends with me!
fuck
fucking angry now
real fucjkiugns angry
ML: how's #10?
RM: hot (and it's 10.75)
3:46 ML: don't worry, tbdcdcdcdbdc readers, more coffee is on the way. we found another bag of grounds and it is brewing as we speak.
this reprieve from pouring caffeine down my throat, though, provides me another opportunity to call attention to genedebs' post. we moved it below the liveblogging because it's not as important as this, but it is nonetheless applicable and awesome. you my scroll down or click here to see it.
3:38 ML: the situation becomes dire:
RM: dude / u need to make a new pot and fast / stat / even
ML: we're out of caffeinated coffee / fuck?!?!
RM: no / fucking lie
ML: upstairs? i can't do that alone
RM: dude
ML: or at all / im getting the fear again
RM: ru serious? grow up / pull your shit together / this isn't a fucking joke.
ML: you're right
RM: all that was left was 3/4 of a cup
ML: did you already drink it? so you're on 10 3/4 and i'm only on 9? this is fucked
RM: no! i'm at 9 and 3/4 / what the fuck! don't fucking let me fall that short2:41 RM: Cup 8 down the hatch. Cup 9 warm in my hand. Thinking cup 10's gonna have to be on ice.
Feelin' good. Feelin' real good. Still haven't done any work today...I did just make some copies for one my bosses, so that's pretty sweet. Otherwise i've been here, live-blogging. Looking for funny shit on the web.
Not really finding much.
Until I found this...
http://view.break.com/513310
Gosh, I wish there was sound! Look at that destruction! Epic.
I can only imagine what it'd take to push me to this point. I think earlier in the day, around cup 5, I could have lapsed. But now, as cup 9 brings me toward a zen like state of calm uber-awareness, I couldn't imagine committing such vicious acts against my co-workers. They're all very wonderful.
2:14 ML: having just got back from an afternoon walk i feel refreshed. we got some free soup and cheese samples from dean and deluca and also landed a free teriyaki chicken sample in the georgetown mall food court.
that said i'm moving into my 7th cup and can see the finish line. with under 4 hours to go i'm confident i can make it to 10 cups. no longer do i feel intimidated or anxious about interacting with my coworkers. in fact, i feel like this caffeine buzz has somehow projected my consciousness a few milliseconds into the future and i'm one step ahead of everyone.
the real question is how this experiment will end. at some point the coffee and the work week will end... and what then? once you've crossed the edge, how does one return to normalcy? can one return to normalcy after an experiment such as this? as Hunter S Thompson once wrote (via jack), "there is no honest way to describe 'the edge.' Only those poor souls who have already crossed it could possibly understand ." what understanding then is necessary to return?
tally:
6.5 cups of coffee (and counting)
4 pints of water
1 sandwich
1 sample french onion soup
2 sample pieces of aged gouda
1:35 RM: I'm deep into cup 6. Still haven't eaten anything. Gonna hold off. Eating is for p*%$ies. My digestive system is all kinds of fucked up. I don't really know what my body is telling me to do - mind over matter. Drink more coffee. Another glass of water coming soon.
But here's my question of the day? Does John McCain really hate war?
He says "war" an awful lot for someone who hates it so much...is he trying to remind us that we're hopelessly and inextricably involved in an endless war against evil others? Evil others who will kill your nice Christian babies?
Well thank goodness for John McCain! I'd almost forgotten that we're spending a billion dollars a month to murder innocent America-haters half-way across the world...for our safety! Thank goodness for John McCain because before he came out with that spot, I'd forgotten that the best way to "keep America safe" is by always putting American soldiers in harm's way! That makes perfect sense. If we always have someone to kill on other continents, we'll never have people coming to our continent to kill the majority of us!
Also, is this the best issue for McCain to be running on? Seems kinda silly to me - seems like he should focus on something most Americans don't hate...like the economy...like providing dehydrated babies with bottles of hot water...like providing all puppies with winter jackets. I dunno, just a thought.
1:17 ML: i feel as if i'm coming out of a black out. the last hour or so was intense but i'm definitely getting on top of my buzz. i got some food in me, a few cups o' joe and a glass of water and i feel great.
we also had a few contests of typeracer. jack felt his honor had been insulted so he threw down the glove. it was a gentleman's duel and we all escaped with our pride intact.
12:54pm
RM: and how!
i'm working on a post
ML: my water drinking has sky rocketed
Sent at 12:40 PM on Friday
RM: dude
i have tthe coffee sweats
ML: im beginning to laugh uncontrollably
and definitely the sweats
i feel teh same way, with the judging eyes
RM: what you laughing at? You got something funny for me?
ML: no, it's spontaneous and unprovoked
Sent at 12:46 PM on Friday
RM: my heart does kinda hurt
question
why is this funny?
12:48 ML: while i can't put it better than RM--"At this point I'm talk[ing] to co-workers as if I'm drunk on gin, smelling of cigarettes, and trying to cover it all up. Of course, I'm neither of those things, but I can feel their eyes on me, judging, waiting for me to slip up."--i have the added anxiety that everyone is looking at me, waiting for me to confirm their deepest and darkest suspicions of me: that i'm a binge-aholic and unfit for the workplace.
i think i'm getting the fear.
tally:
4 coffees
3 pints of water
1 turkey sandwich
12:33pm RM: Well said ML. I also recommend skipping most of Jack's post. Science is tbdcdcdbdc. Trying to explain science to people is not.
Pot of coffee #2 is in the kitchen. It's hot and dark and delicious. I'm halfway into cup #5. I also decided to chug a glass of water. 50+ ounces of coffee before 12:45pm is not entirely healthy. I need to maintain and equilibrium. At this point I'm talk to co-workers as if I'm drunk on gin, smelling of cigarettes, and trying to cover it all up. Of course, I'm neither of those things, but I can feel their eyes on me, judging, waiting for me to slip up. There's no law against coffee. Get off my back.
My finger just brushed the can of seltzer to my left. I jumped because I thought I'd knocked it over. It barely budged. I'm losing it.]
Check out this hilarious picture of W.
12:15pm:
RM: you're gonna bitch outta the contest that easily
?
that's pathetic
i just need more of what my body needs to combat the caffeine
i'm in it to win it
RM: you better be
i'm going to make a fresh pot
ML: do it
Sent at 12:18 PM on Friday
ML: posting
Sent at 12:22 PM on Friday
RM: ddue
another pot is on
but man
i think we're in too deep. over our heads
ML: we were in a sprint before
now it's a marathon
this is an endurance race
RM: we can't stop
you have any idea how bad the fall-out is goign to be?
ML: pretty bad
food should help
RM: yea, suppose
another cup of coffee first
ML: ya
and a piss
12:18pm ML: in the time that has passed since my last post jack has posted and i have decided not to be a wuss and stay in the great coffee drink-off until i win it. we're done with pot #1 and are moving on to pot #2. this is truly an epic day for competitive coffee drinking.
but as for jack's post, he concedes that he is not a particle physicist. this is true. he however fails to also concede that he is a booger eater. now it may not be appropriate to pass judgement in a post like this, but this is a liveblog and i'm jacked up on caffeine so anything goes. i read his post and skipped large swaths of it because i don't want to spoil my appetite with all those boogers. apparently the world may or may not end at the hands of a black hole that may or may not be microscopic? i suggest skipping it and only watching the monkey video at the end. speaking of monkeys, there has been a flurry of monkey coverage on tbdcdcdcdbdc recently, covering everything from drunk monkeys to robot monkeys to the ethical dilemma we face when we make monkeys pet owners. example #1. example #2. example #3.
11:58 ML: preparing for my 4th cup i had to give in and take a shit. that's my second shit since 9:30ish. that's much above my average for just two hours--the caffeine is taking hold. i've noticed other effects too, including but not limited to office anxiety. example: after finishing up in the bathroom i heard several people speaking outside the bathroom door. i patiently waited inside the bathroom until the coast was clear to make my exit. the last thing i need is contact with any person for any reason. we'll see how cup #4 goes but today's contest may be going to rooftop.
11:37 RM: I'm moving onto cup 4. My chest is kinda starting to hurt and I find myself drinking more and more seltzer for every sip of coffee. My stomach has calmed down a little, still some rumbles, but so far so good. Can't wait to get deep into this 4th cup though. The coffee's still hot.
On another note, I found out that I'm not a good typer earlier this week. How you ask? Typeracer. Thank you Rozas. Anyway, I can only type like 60 words per minute, max. I got to 70 twice. I keep trying to beat that...attempt after attempt after attempt. Failure fail fail. Then...I hate myself because I've just spent the last 30 mins typing quotes from Clockwork Orange and Fight Club and Pink Floyd. Oh well...I still suck at typing. I blame the sausage fingers.
http://play.typeracer.com/
11:29am ML: i will not be faulted for this. RM can not throw allegations around like this. this is neither a gin drunk stupor nor nam, there are rules here. this how the events in question transpired:
ML: i did some liveblogging
RM: you deleted my shit!
ML: what? how?
RM: i don't know. you did it!
ML: were we live blogging at the same time?
RM: i dunno! you bastard!
ML: dont blame me. blame the interwebs
RM: you did it! it was there!
ML: well, i dont know how to bring it back
as you can see, while i wasn't very apologetic i also wasn't very at fault so what the fuck is there to apologize for? nothing. that's what.
11:15am RM: Rooftop disagrees that ML is mastering his coffee buzz. He just "inadvertently" deleted my hilarious post from 11:01. Asshole.
So, to summarize. I'm on my third cup as well and am feeling, ya know, caffinated. My stomach is doing summersaults and I'm trying to hold off going to the bathroom till this cup is finished. I've also opened up a seltzer. I feel that it is important to remain hydrated whilst drinking massive amounts of coffee, otherwise it'll burn when you pee.
Also, my fingers are starting to get cold and I can feel a headache coming on. Is this what it's like to have Raynaud's?
Anyway, speaking of Germans, this video came out awhile ago and is hilarious. Other variations have to do with the Dallas Cowboys.
11:08 ML: moving onto cup 3 things have slowed down. i think i'm getting on top of the buzz.
10:56 MC Lean: after only two cups things are starting to get weird. i can feel my pulse increasing and my thoughts are becoming erratic at best. i just watched this video, pretty clever. also, stupid germans.
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