the end is extremely fucking nigh. when weezer cover radiohead in portland, ore. of all places, you can be confident the headless horsemen and elephants of the apocalypse are not far behind. i'm afraid--to tell you the truth--i don't know what hipsterdom can do to stop the inevitable end.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Genedebs' "Bandana Only" future
genedebs, along with yours truly, is also approaching the end of his "official" employment. (i have no idea what those quotation marks add to that but go with it.) this means his free time, i.e. all of his time, will be spent wearing only a bandana watching sci-fi made for TV movies and thinking about his fixed gear bike. if he had planned correctly, he could have waited until being unemployed to build a fixed gear bike out of a frame he "got a sick deal on" but he didn't his loss. but not ours.
oh, no. i'm sure mr. debs will commit a significant amount of his bandana-only summer scowering the intrawebs for little gems like this.
this video is an absolute grab bag of insanity and finding these things takes precious, precious time. think about it, there are like 7 billion people in india and they make at least 14 trillion movies a year. (bollywood is their biggest export, ya know.) and there are like 14.3423x10^30 people living in a single house in tokyo so they watch a lot of movies. if you run the numbers then finding a japanese trailer for a bollywood flick should be pretty easy but it isn't because the interwebs are tricky like that. that's why it takes time. the type of time you only have if you're forced to sit at a desk 8 hours a day and pretend to work or if you're "underemployed" but still have access to the internet. this is the exact amount of precious, wasting-my-youth time i have and genedebs will certainly have in his immediate future.
two unrelated notes: 1, i'm sorry to the interns that got canned for not buying gin, but they must have seen it coming, "booze hound" was in the job description and that certainly implies one is of drinking age. then again, maybe they're underage booze hounds and thus super-cool and that's why they got the job... i'll leave those questions to someone more intelligent than myself to figure out. and 2, if genedebs will no longer be the sole defender of the modern labor movement, does the name genedebs become obsolete?
obsolete pen names, big in 2k11?
under age former interns, big in 2k8.5?
oh, no. i'm sure mr. debs will commit a significant amount of his bandana-only summer scowering the intrawebs for little gems like this.
this video is an absolute grab bag of insanity and finding these things takes precious, precious time. think about it, there are like 7 billion people in india and they make at least 14 trillion movies a year. (bollywood is their biggest export, ya know.) and there are like 14.3423x10^30 people living in a single house in tokyo so they watch a lot of movies. if you run the numbers then finding a japanese trailer for a bollywood flick should be pretty easy but it isn't because the interwebs are tricky like that. that's why it takes time. the type of time you only have if you're forced to sit at a desk 8 hours a day and pretend to work or if you're "underemployed" but still have access to the internet. this is the exact amount of precious, wasting-my-youth time i have and genedebs will certainly have in his immediate future.
two unrelated notes: 1, i'm sorry to the interns that got canned for not buying gin, but they must have seen it coming, "booze hound" was in the job description and that certainly implies one is of drinking age. then again, maybe they're underage booze hounds and thus super-cool and that's why they got the job... i'll leave those questions to someone more intelligent than myself to figure out. and 2, if genedebs will no longer be the sole defender of the modern labor movement, does the name genedebs become obsolete?
obsolete pen names, big in 2k11?
under age former interns, big in 2k8.5?
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
WHO IS BARACK OBAMA?
read the following as fast and with the same emphasis as this video.
There are many things people do not know about BARACK OBAMA. It is every American's duty to read this message and pass it along to all of their friends and loved ones.
Barack Obama wears a FLAG PIN at all times. Even in the shower.
Barack Obama says the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE every time he sees an American flag. He also ends every sentence by saying, "WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL." Click here for video of Obama quietly mouthing the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE in his sleep.
A tape exists of Michelle Obama saying the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE at a conference on PATRIOTISM.
Every weekend, Barack and Michelle take their daughters HUNTING.
Barack Obama is a PATRIOTIC AMERICAN. He has one HAND over his HEART at all times. He occasionally switches when one arm gets tired, which is almost never because he is STRONG.
Barack Obama has the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE tattooed on his stomach. It's upside-down, so he can read it while doing sit-ups.
There's only one artist on Barack Obama's iPod: FRANCIS SCOTT KEY.
Barack Obama is a DEVOUT CHRISTIAN. His favorite book is the BIBLE, which he has memorized. His name means HE WHO LOVES JESUS in the ancient language of Aramaic. He is PROUD that Jesus was an American.
Barack Obama goes to church every morning. He goes to church every afternoon. He goes to church every evening. He is IN CHURCH RIGHT NOW.
Barack Obama's new airplane includes a conference room, a kitchen, and a MEGACHURCH.
Barack Obama's skin is the color of AMERICAN SOIL.
Barack Obama buys AMERICAN STUFF. He owns a FORD, a BASEBALL TEAM, and a COMPUTER HE BUILT HIMSELF FROM AMERICAN PARTS. He travels mostly by FORKLIFT.
Barack Obama says that Americans cling to GUNS and RELIGION because they are AWESOME.
There are many things people do not know about BARACK OBAMA. It is every American's duty to read this message and pass it along to all of their friends and loved ones.
Barack Obama wears a FLAG PIN at all times. Even in the shower.
Barack Obama says the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE every time he sees an American flag. He also ends every sentence by saying, "WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL." Click here for video of Obama quietly mouthing the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE in his sleep.
A tape exists of Michelle Obama saying the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE at a conference on PATRIOTISM.
Every weekend, Barack and Michelle take their daughters HUNTING.
Barack Obama is a PATRIOTIC AMERICAN. He has one HAND over his HEART at all times. He occasionally switches when one arm gets tired, which is almost never because he is STRONG.
Barack Obama has the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE tattooed on his stomach. It's upside-down, so he can read it while doing sit-ups.
There's only one artist on Barack Obama's iPod: FRANCIS SCOTT KEY.
Barack Obama is a DEVOUT CHRISTIAN. His favorite book is the BIBLE, which he has memorized. His name means HE WHO LOVES JESUS in the ancient language of Aramaic. He is PROUD that Jesus was an American.
Barack Obama goes to church every morning. He goes to church every afternoon. He goes to church every evening. He is IN CHURCH RIGHT NOW.
Barack Obama's new airplane includes a conference room, a kitchen, and a MEGACHURCH.
Barack Obama's skin is the color of AMERICAN SOIL.
Barack Obama buys AMERICAN STUFF. He owns a FORD, a BASEBALL TEAM, and a COMPUTER HE BUILT HIMSELF FROM AMERICAN PARTS. He travels mostly by FORKLIFT.
Barack Obama says that Americans cling to GUNS and RELIGION because they are AWESOME.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Live Blogging The Great Office Coffee Drinking Contest (Attempt 2)
Today is the great office coffee drinking contest. The rules are simple, as long as you work in an office. First, drink coffee. Second, (and this rule is optional) live blog the event. The contestants for today's contest are MC Lean and Rooftop Media.
5:45 MC Lean: on the tail end of this experiment , if you can call it that, and on the verge of another, i'm struck by how dynamic this experience has been. after 14 cups i am literally without words, so, in the de facto theme of the day, i will leave my closing remarks to one Hunter S Thompson:
Strange memories on this nervous night in Las Vegas. Has it been five years? Six? It seems like a lifetime, the kind of peak that never comes again. San Francisco in the middle sixties was a very special time and place to be a part of. But no explanation, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive in that corner of time and the world. Whatever it meant.
And that, I think, was the handle--that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of Old and Evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn't need that. Our energy would simply prevail. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave. So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark--that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back.
5:40: RM: It's almost over. 14th cup is almost gone. I've got a lot of problems with myself right now. Physiological as well as psychological. My heart hurts. As does my head. All I can say is...I WON! I beat coffee. And I got paid to do it.
Later suckers.
4:59 ML: if there is one thing we can all take away from this experiment, it's that food is the best cure for overly ambitious caffeine consumption. every time i've reached the edge, food has brought me back, lifting my mind to states of elation i didn't know existed.
one of the early goals of this experiment was to find things that are awesome on the internet. i figured early on that with my heightened level of consciousness i would be able to surf the web with super-human productivity. god was i wrong. as i've already noted, i spent nearly the entire day recycling my experiences into a single blur. imagine my thoughts are clothes in a dryer, now imagine that dryer on the fastest spin cycle possible. can you tell the difference between the clothes? hell no, they're moving too fast. that was me trying to follow my thoughts.
anyway, thanks to the sordid, voyeuristic following this liveblogging experiment has garnered other people have found bomb things for me to post and without a doubt, this is the best one.
if you're impatient like me (remember, 11 cups of coffee) and can't stand the suspense the face punching begins at 1:04. this video includes everything i love, well, just two things: smoking with cigarettes and slow motion. slow motion makes everything look cool, especially when your mind is on the spin cycle.
4:44pm RM: Things are really starting to come up Millhouse. I just scored some free food, I saw Dan Porch and what was once a horrible state of caffinated self-hate and confusion has turned into a delusional, caffinated state of elation.
I'm balls-deep in my 12th cup of coffee (iced this time) and the sugar I added is having an undeniably positive effect. I feel like I'm drunk. Actually drunk. But they can't fire me because it's okay to drink coffee in the office.
That being said, it's best that I stay away from co-workers at this point. Maybe they can smell it on me? Maybe they can see it in my eyes.
I found this video. Pretty hilarious. I don't even hate Oprah that much, but holy god, does she make some hilarious faces!
4:33 ML: i've lost myself in the vortex of my experiment. i have spent almost every minute of this day looking at this blog and ingesting the liveblogging of what i experienced 10 minutes before. i can't explain what that this does to ones consciousness when you're jacked up on caffeine. it's like some sort of psychotic ferris wheel that you can't get off of. i didn't even notice this was happening until briefly leaving this site and looking at the Slate homepage. suddenly the reality that a world outside of caffeine-induced-live-blogging exists, that my buzz is not all there is in the world set in. what a relief.
4:15 ML: as you all can plainly see, things are getting interesting. (if you can't plainly see, you haven't been keeping up with the day's progress.) at the point i thought this coffee drinking challenge would become a marathon--holding a slow pace to reach a responsible goal in a given time--we turned it back into a sprint. RM is looking at 11 cups while i barely have two sips until i've bested 10 and i have no intentions of stopping. all this in just about 2 hours.
what can explain this behavior? was it some absurd boost of adrenaline, probably caffeine induced? what's the point of all this? do we intend on emerging on the other side with some sort of heightened understanding? do we expect this to be like some spiritual/hallucinogenic "change your perspective on shit" experience?
i can feel my mind slipping and i can't carry that thought any further. anyway, the answer is probably the caffeine induced adrenaline, so what's the point asking more rhetorical questions.
4:10pm RM: Shit's getting real.
RM: and how!
ML: so bad
RM: what!
ML: ya. fuckin fucker came in while i was brewing it Nate: fuck
ML: huh? what about raelynn?
RM: raelynn left 10mins ago...as she's walking out she looks down at me and says: coffee?
ML: hahah
RM: i said: if you only knew Nate: dude
ML: yo
RM: we've typed over 2000 words today ML: hahahaha
ML: im serious. how is this thing going to end
RM: dude
ML: nice. it's hot as fuck
RM: yuyp
ML: wow. mine is alright RM: fucking amanda
ML: ya, i told this is my 10th cup
RM: moz sticks, patato skins
ML: thats bullshit!
RM: i said it's not my fault i'm not friends with shannon
ML: righ!
RM: maybe if she was fucking friends with me!
ML: how's #10?
RM: hot (and it's 10.75)
3:46 ML: don't worry, tbdcdcdcdbdc readers, more coffee is on the way. we found another bag of grounds and it is brewing as we speak.
this reprieve from pouring caffeine down my throat, though, provides me another opportunity to call attention to genedebs' post. we moved it below the liveblogging because it's not as important as this, but it is nonetheless applicable and awesome. you my scroll down or click here to see it.
3:38 ML: the situation becomes dire:
2:41 RM: Cup 8 down the hatch. Cup 9 warm in my hand. Thinking cup 10's gonna have to be on ice.
Feelin' good. Feelin' real good. Still haven't done any work today...I did just make some copies for one my bosses, so that's pretty sweet. Otherwise i've been here, live-blogging. Looking for funny shit on the web.
Not really finding much.
Until I found this...
http://view.break.com/513310
Gosh, I wish there was sound! Look at that destruction! Epic.
I can only imagine what it'd take to push me to this point. I think earlier in the day, around cup 5, I could have lapsed. But now, as cup 9 brings me toward a zen like state of calm uber-awareness, I couldn't imagine committing such vicious acts against my co-workers. They're all very wonderful.
2:14 ML: having just got back from an afternoon walk i feel refreshed. we got some free soup and cheese samples from dean and deluca and also landed a free teriyaki chicken sample in the georgetown mall food court.
that said i'm moving into my 7th cup and can see the finish line. with under 4 hours to go i'm confident i can make it to 10 cups. no longer do i feel intimidated or anxious about interacting with my coworkers. in fact, i feel like this caffeine buzz has somehow projected my consciousness a few milliseconds into the future and i'm one step ahead of everyone.
the real question is how this experiment will end. at some point the coffee and the work week will end... and what then? once you've crossed the edge, how does one return to normalcy? can one return to normalcy after an experiment such as this? as Hunter S Thompson once wrote (via jack), "there is no honest way to describe 'the edge.' Only those poor souls who have already crossed it could possibly understand ." what understanding then is necessary to return?
tally:
6.5 cups of coffee (and counting)
4 pints of water
1 sandwich
1 sample french onion soup
2 sample pieces of aged gouda
1:35 RM: I'm deep into cup 6. Still haven't eaten anything. Gonna hold off. Eating is for p*%$ies. My digestive system is all kinds of fucked up. I don't really know what my body is telling me to do - mind over matter. Drink more coffee. Another glass of water coming soon.
But here's my question of the day? Does John McCain really hate war?
He says "war" an awful lot for someone who hates it so much...is he trying to remind us that we're hopelessly and inextricably involved in an endless war against evil others? Evil others who will kill your nice Christian babies?
Well thank goodness for John McCain! I'd almost forgotten that we're spending a billion dollars a month to murder innocent America-haters half-way across the world...for our safety! Thank goodness for John McCain because before he came out with that spot, I'd forgotten that the best way to "keep America safe" is by always putting American soldiers in harm's way! That makes perfect sense. If we always have someone to kill on other continents, we'll never have people coming to our continent to kill the majority of us!
Also, is this the best issue for McCain to be running on? Seems kinda silly to me - seems like he should focus on something most Americans don't hate...like the economy...like providing dehydrated babies with bottles of hot water...like providing all puppies with winter jackets. I dunno, just a thought.
1:17 ML: i feel as if i'm coming out of a black out. the last hour or so was intense but i'm definitely getting on top of my buzz. i got some food in me, a few cups o' joe and a glass of water and i feel great.
we also had a few contests of typeracer. jack felt his honor had been insulted so he threw down the glove. it was a gentleman's duel and we all escaped with our pride intact.
12:54pm
ML: wow! this new pot is hot as hell
RM: and how!
ML: my water drinking has sky rocketed
RM: dude
ML: im beginning to laugh uncontrollably
RM: what you laughing at? You got something funny for me?
ML: no, it's spontaneous and unprovoked
RM: my heart does kinda hurt ML: shoot
12:48 ML: while i can't put it better than RM--"At this point I'm talk[ing] to co-workers as if I'm drunk on gin, smelling of cigarettes, and trying to cover it all up. Of course, I'm neither of those things, but I can feel their eyes on me, judging, waiting for me to slip up."--i have the added anxiety that everyone is looking at me, waiting for me to confirm their deepest and darkest suspicions of me: that i'm a binge-aholic and unfit for the workplace.
i think i'm getting the fear.
tally:
4 coffees
3 pints of water
1 turkey sandwich
12:33pm RM: Well said ML. I also recommend skipping most of Jack's post. Science is tbdcdcdbdc. Trying to explain science to people is not.
Pot of coffee #2 is in the kitchen. It's hot and dark and delicious. I'm halfway into cup #5. I also decided to chug a glass of water. 50+ ounces of coffee before 12:45pm is not entirely healthy. I need to maintain and equilibrium. At this point I'm talk to co-workers as if I'm drunk on gin, smelling of cigarettes, and trying to cover it all up. Of course, I'm neither of those things, but I can feel their eyes on me, judging, waiting for me to slip up. There's no law against coffee. Get off my back.
My finger just brushed the can of seltzer to my left. I jumped because I thought I'd knocked it over. It barely budged. I'm losing it.]
Check out this hilarious picture of W.
12:15pm:
ML: no, this game is on
RM: you better be
ML: do it
ML: posting
RM: ddue
ML: we were in a sprint before
RM: we can't stop
ML: pretty bad
RM: yea, suppose
ML: ya
12:18pm ML: in the time that has passed since my last post jack has posted and i have decided not to be a wuss and stay in the great coffee drink-off until i win it. we're done with pot #1 and are moving on to pot #2. this is truly an epic day for competitive coffee drinking.
but as for jack's post, he concedes that he is not a particle physicist. this is true. he however fails to also concede that he is a booger eater. now it may not be appropriate to pass judgement in a post like this, but this is a liveblog and i'm jacked up on caffeine so anything goes. i read his post and skipped large swaths of it because i don't want to spoil my appetite with all those boogers. apparently the world may or may not end at the hands of a black hole that may or may not be microscopic? i suggest skipping it and only watching the monkey video at the end. speaking of monkeys, there has been a flurry of monkey coverage on tbdcdcdcdbdc recently, covering everything from drunk monkeys to robot monkeys to the ethical dilemma we face when we make monkeys pet owners. example #1. example #2. example #3.
11:58 ML: preparing for my 4th cup i had to give in and take a shit. that's my second shit since 9:30ish. that's much above my average for just two hours--the caffeine is taking hold. i've noticed other effects too, including but not limited to office anxiety. example: after finishing up in the bathroom i heard several people speaking outside the bathroom door. i patiently waited inside the bathroom until the coast was clear to make my exit. the last thing i need is contact with any person for any reason. we'll see how cup #4 goes but today's contest may be going to rooftop.
11:37 RM: I'm moving onto cup 4. My chest is kinda starting to hurt and I find myself drinking more and more seltzer for every sip of coffee. My stomach has calmed down a little, still some rumbles, but so far so good. Can't wait to get deep into this 4th cup though. The coffee's still hot.
On another note, I found out that I'm not a good typer earlier this week. How you ask? Typeracer. Thank you Rozas. Anyway, I can only type like 60 words per minute, max. I got to 70 twice. I keep trying to beat that...attempt after attempt after attempt. Failure fail fail. Then...I hate myself because I've just spent the last 30 mins typing quotes from Clockwork Orange and Fight Club and Pink Floyd. Oh well...I still suck at typing. I blame the sausage fingers.
http://play.typeracer.com/
11:29am ML: i will not be faulted for this. RM can not throw allegations around like this. this is neither a gin drunk stupor nor nam, there are rules here. this how the events in question transpired:
ML: what? how?
RM: i don't know. you did it!
RM: i dunno! you bastard!
ML: dont blame me. blame the interwebs
RM: you did it! it was there!
ML: well, i dont know how to bring it back
as you can see, while i wasn't very apologetic i also wasn't very at fault so what the fuck is there to apologize for? nothing. that's what.
11:15am RM: Rooftop disagrees that ML is mastering his coffee buzz. He just "inadvertently" deleted my hilarious post from 11:01. Asshole.
So, to summarize. I'm on my third cup as well and am feeling, ya know, caffinated. My stomach is doing summersaults and I'm trying to hold off going to the bathroom till this cup is finished. I've also opened up a seltzer. I feel that it is important to remain hydrated whilst drinking massive amounts of coffee, otherwise it'll burn when you pee.
Also, my fingers are starting to get cold and I can feel a headache coming on. Is this what it's like to have Raynaud's?
Anyway, speaking of Germans, this video came out awhile ago and is hilarious. Other variations have to do with the Dallas Cowboys.
11:08 ML: moving onto cup 3 things have slowed down. i think i'm getting on top of the buzz.
10:56 MC Lean: after only two cups things are starting to get weird. i can feel my pulse increasing and my thoughts are becoming erratic at best. i just watched this video, pretty clever. also, stupid germans.
5:45 MC Lean: on the tail end of this experiment , if you can call it that, and on the verge of another, i'm struck by how dynamic this experience has been. after 14 cups i am literally without words, so, in the de facto theme of the day, i will leave my closing remarks to one Hunter S Thompson:
Strange memories on this nervous night in Las Vegas. Has it been five years? Six? It seems like a lifetime, the kind of peak that never comes again. San Francisco in the middle sixties was a very special time and place to be a part of. But no explanation, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive in that corner of time and the world. Whatever it meant.
And that, I think, was the handle--that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of Old and Evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn't need that. Our energy would simply prevail. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave. So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark--that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back.
5:40: RM: It's almost over. 14th cup is almost gone. I've got a lot of problems with myself right now. Physiological as well as psychological. My heart hurts. As does my head. All I can say is...I WON! I beat coffee. And I got paid to do it.
Later suckers.
4:59 ML: if there is one thing we can all take away from this experiment, it's that food is the best cure for overly ambitious caffeine consumption. every time i've reached the edge, food has brought me back, lifting my mind to states of elation i didn't know existed.
one of the early goals of this experiment was to find things that are awesome on the internet. i figured early on that with my heightened level of consciousness i would be able to surf the web with super-human productivity. god was i wrong. as i've already noted, i spent nearly the entire day recycling my experiences into a single blur. imagine my thoughts are clothes in a dryer, now imagine that dryer on the fastest spin cycle possible. can you tell the difference between the clothes? hell no, they're moving too fast. that was me trying to follow my thoughts.
anyway, thanks to the sordid, voyeuristic following this liveblogging experiment has garnered other people have found bomb things for me to post and without a doubt, this is the best one.
if you're impatient like me (remember, 11 cups of coffee) and can't stand the suspense the face punching begins at 1:04. this video includes everything i love, well, just two things: smoking with cigarettes and slow motion. slow motion makes everything look cool, especially when your mind is on the spin cycle.
4:44pm RM: Things are really starting to come up Millhouse. I just scored some free food, I saw Dan Porch and what was once a horrible state of caffinated self-hate and confusion has turned into a delusional, caffinated state of elation.
I'm balls-deep in my 12th cup of coffee (iced this time) and the sugar I added is having an undeniably positive effect. I feel like I'm drunk. Actually drunk. But they can't fire me because it's okay to drink coffee in the office.
That being said, it's best that I stay away from co-workers at this point. Maybe they can smell it on me? Maybe they can see it in my eyes.
I found this video. Pretty hilarious. I don't even hate Oprah that much, but holy god, does she make some hilarious faces!
4:33 ML: i've lost myself in the vortex of my experiment. i have spent almost every minute of this day looking at this blog and ingesting the liveblogging of what i experienced 10 minutes before. i can't explain what that this does to ones consciousness when you're jacked up on caffeine. it's like some sort of psychotic ferris wheel that you can't get off of. i didn't even notice this was happening until briefly leaving this site and looking at the Slate homepage. suddenly the reality that a world outside of caffeine-induced-live-blogging exists, that my buzz is not all there is in the world set in. what a relief.
4:15 ML: as you all can plainly see, things are getting interesting. (if you can't plainly see, you haven't been keeping up with the day's progress.) at the point i thought this coffee drinking challenge would become a marathon--holding a slow pace to reach a responsible goal in a given time--we turned it back into a sprint. RM is looking at 11 cups while i barely have two sips until i've bested 10 and i have no intentions of stopping. all this in just about 2 hours.
what can explain this behavior? was it some absurd boost of adrenaline, probably caffeine induced? what's the point of all this? do we intend on emerging on the other side with some sort of heightened understanding? do we expect this to be like some spiritual/hallucinogenic "change your perspective on shit" experience?
i can feel my mind slipping and i can't carry that thought any further. anyway, the answer is probably the caffeine induced adrenaline, so what's the point asking more rhetorical questions.
4:10pm RM: Shit's getting real.
ML: found more coffee
brewing now
RM: and how!
thanks
i need a fix
ML: so bad
bennett has been drinking it
that fucker!
RM: what!
fucker
Raelynn
ML: ya. fuckin fucker came in while i was brewing it
ML: huh? what about raelynn?
RM: raelynn left 10mins ago...as she's walking out she looks down at me and says: coffee?
i said yea
she said, it's 330
u shouldn't be drinking cofffee
ML: hahah
RM: i said: if you only knew
Sent at 3:46 PM on Friday
ML: yo
RM: we've typed over 2000 words today
Sent at 3:48 PM on Friday
ML: im serious. how is this thing going to end
cup 10 is in my hand
the coffee is ready to rock
Sent at 3:53 PM on Friday
RM: dude
i'm going to get a cup
ML: nice. it's hot as fuck
i need to drink water but i've lost the will
it's caffeine or bust at this point
RM: yuyp
my heart is palpatating
hard-core
ML: wow. mine is alright
but my hands are getting jittery again
Sent at 4:01 PM on Friday
is in the kitchen baking
delicious food
ML: ya, i told this is my 10th cup
she said, "that's not healthy"
RM: moz sticks, patato skins
sliders from kevin
everything
and she wont fucking share a fucking thing
this is fucking bullshit
gonna come up to our kitchen, cook delicious food and not fucking share?
bullshit
she said it was for shannon's birhtday and that maybe if i was friends with shannon i'd get some food
ML: thats bullshit!
RM: i said it's not my fault i'm not friends with shannon
ML: righ!
RM: maybe if she was fucking friends with me!
fuck
fucking angry now
real fucjkiugns angry
ML: how's #10?
RM: hot (and it's 10.75)
3:46 ML: don't worry, tbdcdcdcdbdc readers, more coffee is on the way. we found another bag of grounds and it is brewing as we speak.
this reprieve from pouring caffeine down my throat, though, provides me another opportunity to call attention to genedebs' post. we moved it below the liveblogging because it's not as important as this, but it is nonetheless applicable and awesome. you my scroll down or click here to see it.
3:38 ML: the situation becomes dire:
RM: dude / u need to make a new pot and fast / stat / even
ML: we're out of caffeinated coffee / fuck?!?!
RM: no / fucking lie
ML: upstairs? i can't do that alone
RM: dude
ML: or at all / im getting the fear again
RM: ru serious? grow up / pull your shit together / this isn't a fucking joke.
ML: you're right
RM: all that was left was 3/4 of a cup
ML: did you already drink it? so you're on 10 3/4 and i'm only on 9? this is fucked
RM: no! i'm at 9 and 3/4 / what the fuck! don't fucking let me fall that short2:41 RM: Cup 8 down the hatch. Cup 9 warm in my hand. Thinking cup 10's gonna have to be on ice.
Feelin' good. Feelin' real good. Still haven't done any work today...I did just make some copies for one my bosses, so that's pretty sweet. Otherwise i've been here, live-blogging. Looking for funny shit on the web.
Not really finding much.
Until I found this...
http://view.break.com/513310
Gosh, I wish there was sound! Look at that destruction! Epic.
I can only imagine what it'd take to push me to this point. I think earlier in the day, around cup 5, I could have lapsed. But now, as cup 9 brings me toward a zen like state of calm uber-awareness, I couldn't imagine committing such vicious acts against my co-workers. They're all very wonderful.
2:14 ML: having just got back from an afternoon walk i feel refreshed. we got some free soup and cheese samples from dean and deluca and also landed a free teriyaki chicken sample in the georgetown mall food court.
that said i'm moving into my 7th cup and can see the finish line. with under 4 hours to go i'm confident i can make it to 10 cups. no longer do i feel intimidated or anxious about interacting with my coworkers. in fact, i feel like this caffeine buzz has somehow projected my consciousness a few milliseconds into the future and i'm one step ahead of everyone.
the real question is how this experiment will end. at some point the coffee and the work week will end... and what then? once you've crossed the edge, how does one return to normalcy? can one return to normalcy after an experiment such as this? as Hunter S Thompson once wrote (via jack), "there is no honest way to describe 'the edge.' Only those poor souls who have already crossed it could possibly understand ." what understanding then is necessary to return?
tally:
6.5 cups of coffee (and counting)
4 pints of water
1 sandwich
1 sample french onion soup
2 sample pieces of aged gouda
1:35 RM: I'm deep into cup 6. Still haven't eaten anything. Gonna hold off. Eating is for p*%$ies. My digestive system is all kinds of fucked up. I don't really know what my body is telling me to do - mind over matter. Drink more coffee. Another glass of water coming soon.
But here's my question of the day? Does John McCain really hate war?
He says "war" an awful lot for someone who hates it so much...is he trying to remind us that we're hopelessly and inextricably involved in an endless war against evil others? Evil others who will kill your nice Christian babies?
Well thank goodness for John McCain! I'd almost forgotten that we're spending a billion dollars a month to murder innocent America-haters half-way across the world...for our safety! Thank goodness for John McCain because before he came out with that spot, I'd forgotten that the best way to "keep America safe" is by always putting American soldiers in harm's way! That makes perfect sense. If we always have someone to kill on other continents, we'll never have people coming to our continent to kill the majority of us!
Also, is this the best issue for McCain to be running on? Seems kinda silly to me - seems like he should focus on something most Americans don't hate...like the economy...like providing dehydrated babies with bottles of hot water...like providing all puppies with winter jackets. I dunno, just a thought.
1:17 ML: i feel as if i'm coming out of a black out. the last hour or so was intense but i'm definitely getting on top of my buzz. i got some food in me, a few cups o' joe and a glass of water and i feel great.
we also had a few contests of typeracer. jack felt his honor had been insulted so he threw down the glove. it was a gentleman's duel and we all escaped with our pride intact.
12:54pm
RM: and how!
i'm working on a post
ML: my water drinking has sky rocketed
Sent at 12:40 PM on Friday
RM: dude
i have tthe coffee sweats
ML: im beginning to laugh uncontrollably
and definitely the sweats
i feel teh same way, with the judging eyes
RM: what you laughing at? You got something funny for me?
ML: no, it's spontaneous and unprovoked
Sent at 12:46 PM on Friday
RM: my heart does kinda hurt
question
why is this funny?
12:48 ML: while i can't put it better than RM--"At this point I'm talk[ing] to co-workers as if I'm drunk on gin, smelling of cigarettes, and trying to cover it all up. Of course, I'm neither of those things, but I can feel their eyes on me, judging, waiting for me to slip up."--i have the added anxiety that everyone is looking at me, waiting for me to confirm their deepest and darkest suspicions of me: that i'm a binge-aholic and unfit for the workplace.
i think i'm getting the fear.
tally:
4 coffees
3 pints of water
1 turkey sandwich
12:33pm RM: Well said ML. I also recommend skipping most of Jack's post. Science is tbdcdcdbdc. Trying to explain science to people is not.
Pot of coffee #2 is in the kitchen. It's hot and dark and delicious. I'm halfway into cup #5. I also decided to chug a glass of water. 50+ ounces of coffee before 12:45pm is not entirely healthy. I need to maintain and equilibrium. At this point I'm talk to co-workers as if I'm drunk on gin, smelling of cigarettes, and trying to cover it all up. Of course, I'm neither of those things, but I can feel their eyes on me, judging, waiting for me to slip up. There's no law against coffee. Get off my back.
My finger just brushed the can of seltzer to my left. I jumped because I thought I'd knocked it over. It barely budged. I'm losing it.]
Check out this hilarious picture of W.
12:15pm:
RM: you're gonna bitch outta the contest that easily
?
that's pathetic
i just need more of what my body needs to combat the caffeine
i'm in it to win it
RM: you better be
i'm going to make a fresh pot
ML: do it
Sent at 12:18 PM on Friday
ML: posting
Sent at 12:22 PM on Friday
RM: ddue
another pot is on
but man
i think we're in too deep. over our heads
ML: we were in a sprint before
now it's a marathon
this is an endurance race
RM: we can't stop
you have any idea how bad the fall-out is goign to be?
ML: pretty bad
food should help
RM: yea, suppose
another cup of coffee first
ML: ya
and a piss
12:18pm ML: in the time that has passed since my last post jack has posted and i have decided not to be a wuss and stay in the great coffee drink-off until i win it. we're done with pot #1 and are moving on to pot #2. this is truly an epic day for competitive coffee drinking.
but as for jack's post, he concedes that he is not a particle physicist. this is true. he however fails to also concede that he is a booger eater. now it may not be appropriate to pass judgement in a post like this, but this is a liveblog and i'm jacked up on caffeine so anything goes. i read his post and skipped large swaths of it because i don't want to spoil my appetite with all those boogers. apparently the world may or may not end at the hands of a black hole that may or may not be microscopic? i suggest skipping it and only watching the monkey video at the end. speaking of monkeys, there has been a flurry of monkey coverage on tbdcdcdcdbdc recently, covering everything from drunk monkeys to robot monkeys to the ethical dilemma we face when we make monkeys pet owners. example #1. example #2. example #3.
11:58 ML: preparing for my 4th cup i had to give in and take a shit. that's my second shit since 9:30ish. that's much above my average for just two hours--the caffeine is taking hold. i've noticed other effects too, including but not limited to office anxiety. example: after finishing up in the bathroom i heard several people speaking outside the bathroom door. i patiently waited inside the bathroom until the coast was clear to make my exit. the last thing i need is contact with any person for any reason. we'll see how cup #4 goes but today's contest may be going to rooftop.
11:37 RM: I'm moving onto cup 4. My chest is kinda starting to hurt and I find myself drinking more and more seltzer for every sip of coffee. My stomach has calmed down a little, still some rumbles, but so far so good. Can't wait to get deep into this 4th cup though. The coffee's still hot.
On another note, I found out that I'm not a good typer earlier this week. How you ask? Typeracer. Thank you Rozas. Anyway, I can only type like 60 words per minute, max. I got to 70 twice. I keep trying to beat that...attempt after attempt after attempt. Failure fail fail. Then...I hate myself because I've just spent the last 30 mins typing quotes from Clockwork Orange and Fight Club and Pink Floyd. Oh well...I still suck at typing. I blame the sausage fingers.
http://play.typeracer.com/
11:29am ML: i will not be faulted for this. RM can not throw allegations around like this. this is neither a gin drunk stupor nor nam, there are rules here. this how the events in question transpired:
ML: i did some liveblogging
RM: you deleted my shit!
ML: what? how?
RM: i don't know. you did it!
ML: were we live blogging at the same time?
RM: i dunno! you bastard!
ML: dont blame me. blame the interwebs
RM: you did it! it was there!
ML: well, i dont know how to bring it back
as you can see, while i wasn't very apologetic i also wasn't very at fault so what the fuck is there to apologize for? nothing. that's what.
11:15am RM: Rooftop disagrees that ML is mastering his coffee buzz. He just "inadvertently" deleted my hilarious post from 11:01. Asshole.
So, to summarize. I'm on my third cup as well and am feeling, ya know, caffinated. My stomach is doing summersaults and I'm trying to hold off going to the bathroom till this cup is finished. I've also opened up a seltzer. I feel that it is important to remain hydrated whilst drinking massive amounts of coffee, otherwise it'll burn when you pee.
Also, my fingers are starting to get cold and I can feel a headache coming on. Is this what it's like to have Raynaud's?
Anyway, speaking of Germans, this video came out awhile ago and is hilarious. Other variations have to do with the Dallas Cowboys.
11:08 ML: moving onto cup 3 things have slowed down. i think i'm getting on top of the buzz.
10:56 MC Lean: after only two cups things are starting to get weird. i can feel my pulse increasing and my thoughts are becoming erratic at best. i just watched this video, pretty clever. also, stupid germans.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Should monkeys have puppies?
This is interesting:
A mother monkey, while morning the loss of her child, adopts a puppy and raises it as her own. This is awesome for a number of reasons. For one, look at the picture, it's a monkey holding a puppy in a tree. Can't beat that.
Now, at least once a week I have to tell my girlfriend that if she gets a dog, I can't help her take care of it. There's a lot of reasons for this, the first is that every time she sees a dog her voice goes up a hundred decibels and she blabbers to the dog like it's the second coming. I hate it. Second, you can't go out of town without tricking someone into taking care of the dog. Inconvenient. Third, I know people with dogs and every time you're out drinking, they have to go home and walk the dog. Intolerable. It's not that I don't like dogs, I do like dogs. I'd be pretty psyched to have a dog that could catch a frisbee.
Fact: while these are valid reasons why I don't have a puppy, none of these are valid reasons to stop a monkey from having a puppy **(see foot note)
Think about it. What better way to train a puppy to not shit on your stuff then (assuming you are a mother monkey) to shit in your hand and throw it at the puppy? Don't waste your time thinking of an answer to that, it's a rhetorical, there is NO better way. Monkeys do that all the time, it's one of the things that make them awesome.
OK so, yeah, puppies can't climb trees. Good point. But that just means that the mother monkey has to spend time on the ground. And mark my words, if a mother monkey spends a lot of time on the ground with her puppy, someday that puppy is gonna be a full sized dog, and when that day comes, the mother monkey is gonna add 2 and 2 together, and she's gonna ride that dog like a horse. There is simply no great triumph in the animal kingdom then riding another species around like a horse. Awesome.
And mark my words again. Monkeys are smart. If a monkey is riding a dog around for long enough, that monkey's gonna figure out how to dress up like a cowboy. It's evolution at it's finest.
Conclusion: Monkeys are awesome puppy owners. Furthermore, if my girlfriend wants a dog so bad, the only way to get me on board is by getting a monkey to fling shit at the dog when he's bad, and ride him around the park like an awesome little cowboy while I'm at happy hour.
**Yes I am well aware of the alcoholic monkeys who live by the beach and steal drinks from tourists. This could be seen as a possible argument against me going out drinking while my monkey, Chet, has to take care of the dog. However, I feel this would add a great deal of motivation to my alcoholic monkey, Chet, to train and ride that dog like an awesome getaway car for a monkey drink stealing bandit.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Spoof Trailers
now that the summer blockbuster season is fully upon us, it's time for us to take a step back and admire the absurdity of it all. blockbusters are obviously thebombdotcom.com, no one is disputing that. but some blockbusters have become so tbdcdcdcdbdc that they reach audiences that are literally incomprehensible. the purpose of these films should be to entertain, but in the spirit of efficiency we need to dig deeper, find a way to accomplish more with these audience.
so let's ask ourselves, what do studio executives love more than anything? right, money. but what do they love almost as much as money? right again, more money.
now imagine knowing that every summer you'll have hundreds of millions of impressionable minds sitting in a dark room giving their undivided attention to whatever is on the screen? it's a dream come true. and i'm happy to say, the studio execs have not squandered the opportunity.we all know all know that the fastest road to an impressionable consumer's heart is advertising. consumers eat this shit up, it's practically free entertainment. so combining the studio exec's love for money and the consumer's love for advertisements, summer blockbusters provide a perfect storm for film advertisements.
enter movie trailers. movie trailers, i'm willing to guess, have operating budgets somewhere in the area of the GDPs of azerbaijan, djibouti, and kazakhstan combined. they're films unto themselves and have come to occupy their own place in pop culture as a result of it. and as with every other meaningful pop culture phenomenon, trailers have become the object of imitation and satire, thus the spoof trailer.
spoof trailers are thebombdotcom.com as much if not more than trailers themselves. they take a movie you like--or maybe even a movie that doesn't exist--and present it to you in a hilarious and exciting fashion. they make you ask yourself, "why don't they make that into a feature length film? i'd go see it."
i don't know what it is about oscar winning films, but for some reason they are at the epicenter of spoof trailer success. one of the finest spoof trailers to come out in recent memory is--not surprisingly--based on one of the finest films to come out in the last year. this spoof has everything... well actually, it's just one big pot reference but it's expertly executed.
please take this moment to put your cell phones on silent, refill your sodas or visit the restroom, the film will last a couple of minutes.
so let's ask ourselves, what do studio executives love more than anything? right, money. but what do they love almost as much as money? right again, more money.
now imagine knowing that every summer you'll have hundreds of millions of impressionable minds sitting in a dark room giving their undivided attention to whatever is on the screen? it's a dream come true. and i'm happy to say, the studio execs have not squandered the opportunity.we all know all know that the fastest road to an impressionable consumer's heart is advertising. consumers eat this shit up, it's practically free entertainment. so combining the studio exec's love for money and the consumer's love for advertisements, summer blockbusters provide a perfect storm for film advertisements.
enter movie trailers. movie trailers, i'm willing to guess, have operating budgets somewhere in the area of the GDPs of azerbaijan, djibouti, and kazakhstan combined. they're films unto themselves and have come to occupy their own place in pop culture as a result of it. and as with every other meaningful pop culture phenomenon, trailers have become the object of imitation and satire, thus the spoof trailer.
spoof trailers are thebombdotcom.com as much if not more than trailers themselves. they take a movie you like--or maybe even a movie that doesn't exist--and present it to you in a hilarious and exciting fashion. they make you ask yourself, "why don't they make that into a feature length film? i'd go see it."
i don't know what it is about oscar winning films, but for some reason they are at the epicenter of spoof trailer success. one of the finest spoof trailers to come out in recent memory is--not surprisingly--based on one of the finest films to come out in the last year. this spoof has everything... well actually, it's just one big pot reference but it's expertly executed.
please take this moment to put your cell phones on silent, refill your sodas or visit the restroom, the film will last a couple of minutes.
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