Writing Well

i have been mulling over this post for a while now. in fact, i believe i told Rooftop Media i wanted to write a post on this--this being good writing--a little more than a week ago. but i can't lie. good writing being the bombdotcom.com is just a distraction from my actual motivation: haterating on the over-use of the exclamation point.

i've been on a one-man crusade to destroy the exclamation point since my writing class in high school. as my teacher put it, "your writing should be enough to convey excitement, exclamations points are in themselves superfluous." this statement may be slightly aggressive, but the first half is undoubtedly true. it is the job of the writer and the function of the words to convey excitement or suspense or relief. during college i came to the conclusion that society agreed with me and my mormon high school teacher. i thought the exclamation point was dead and rightfully so. but in the last year i've discovered the exclamation point is not dead. the exclamation point has invaded our offices and taken over e-mail communications.

what finally inspired me write this piece after so many years of frustration was a Slate article. the article is about a book about e-mail communications. the authors of the book staunchly support the use--nay, the abuse--of exclamation points for adding spice or some such shit to e-mails.

the authors correctly point out that exclamations points are more often than not used to give the illusion of enthusiasm or politeness. but people need to realize (as the authors did not) that they're not fooling anyone when they write, "Can someone please send me the TPS report for this week, i assume it is similar from last week's... Thanks!" this person doesn't even have motivation or enthusiasm to properly punctuate the end of their request. yet somehow they're really fucking excited by the end? don't feed me this shit and don't pretend like a piece of punctuation is helping anyone hide their disdain for me and/or their job.

another sort of exclamation point abuse is what i call the torrent effect. this can occur when what you're writing is so pointless you have to spice it up with a shit load of exclamation points and various emoticons to give it the illusion of value. example: "Good Morning Everyone!!!! Happy Thursday! Can you all please tell me who’s not going to be in today???? Thanks a ton! :)" this e-mail also contained a clip art image of the sun smiling, which i consider an emoticon. counting only actual punctuation, this e-mail boasts a 2.1:1 word to punctuation ratio. shocking. including the two emoticons, there are fewer than two words for every piece of punctuation (1.75:1). i didn't know what to say when i first read this e-mail and i don't know what to say now. it's just fucking ridiculous.

unjustified abuses of punctuation such as this are the reason why writing well is the bombdotcom.com. if you're able to choose your words appropriately and convey your message accurately, you won't feel the need to spice up your shit e-mails with exclamation points and emoticons. no one will think that you hate your job ;-) because you don't use emoticons. no one will think you're rude because you don't say thanks! at the end of every e-mail.

but sitting here, writing this, i realize that my frustration is not with the exclamation point itself but rather with many people's use of the exclamation point to cover the truth. so on that note, i leave you with one of the most brilliantly punctuated pieces of writing i have read in a long time:

The Pranksters named her Sensuous X, glowing girl friend resolutely going...Further...Kesey laid eyes on the Sensuous horizon--loved it! On the bus. Next, she became Zonker's sensuous X--lost her! One the bus. At first Zonker's mad, feels he's been had--affront! But then thanks to his feeling for the Prankster expiriment, he sees nothing to resent. There can be no hard feelings when one is dealing totally out front on the bus.

-The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test, Tom Wolfe